On Friday, our friend Michelle lost her battle with cancer.
This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with grief. I’ve lost grandparents, both my father and mother, all but one aunt and uncle, a few co-workers and acquaintances, and grieved each and every one of them.
But this one is hitting me hard.
There are a lot of reasons why I may not be dealing well. It happened too soon. The disease progressed too fast. She was too young, too bright, too vibrant, too determined. All of those toos and too many others.
Her family asked if I would write something about her life, not knowing that she was the reason I became a romance writer. She loved the fan-fiction I wrote and was always after me to write something original. She gave me her story, and I gave her a prologue for her birthday in 2009. She read it, liked it, and then pushed me to write the rest of the story which would become the first novel I wrote, Contentment.
Here is the last thing I wrote for Michelle:
Michelle Kelly lived a life filled with passion and unmatched generosity of spirit. Family, friends, acquaintances – no one was immune to her bright smile or the mischievous twinkle in her eye. She had a laugh that drew people to her and used it well and often. Michelle will forever be known as a determined shopper, willing and able volunteer, world-class adventurer, and master of all things organizational. Her wit was stealthy and her humour good-natured. She frequently amused her friends by misappropriating words with intent to tickle.
But mostly she loved. Michelle loved her family and friends with unreserved gusto. Shakespeare had the measure of Michelle Kelly when he wrote, “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” Our Michelle was the fiercest of women – bright, beautiful, and brave.
How do you say goodbye to someone who altered your life in such a profound way? Someone who shared your highs, lows, passing enthusiasms, and enduring loves?
The truth is, I have no idea.
So I’ll just sit with it a while. Feel all these feelings, and cry all these tears. The only way forward is through, right? I do know one thing for certain. Kelly Clarkson was right, my life will suck without her.
